Life is for the birds.
by Kimberly Johnson, LPC, LMHC
I woke up feeling like a hot mess although I was unusually cold.
My strange dream left me feeling completely disoriented. I dreamt of my mom and one of my besties’ moms, both whom I loved and both of whom have passed on from this life, about my dying dog being catapulted into a field to die alone, a high school crush (weird), rejection from my father (not so weird), and abandonment from my closest friends.
Frankly, I AM a hot mess. I am stressed about several things in most areas of my life right now. I feel overwhelmed, inadequate, scared, helpless, worried, anxious, and sad. It’s not super fun to feel this way.
Typically, I try to pray and read my Bible before I leave for work. I didn’t have much to say to God this morning, other than, “God I am coming to you because You have asked me to, but what I really need is for You to come to me.”
It took me a while to get still in my robe and warm with my cup of coffee. Wes, who usually sits and talks to me a little before leaving for the day, literally saw the state I was in and offered to give me some “space” to get myself together.
When I feel this way, I have lots of questions: What’s the point? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Where is the joy and peace that I am “supposed” to feel? Where is God? Where are the things He has promised me? How am I ever going to be able to function at work? Why did my mom have to get sick? Where is my hope? How should I handle these situations? Does it even matter?
I feel alone and tired and done with this world. Life is for the birds.…
I have become an old lady that likes birds. I spend way more money than I should on bird seed. I have two bird feeders in front of our bay window and apparently “my birds” must like the bird seed I buy them because the bird feeder is full in the morning and empty by the end of the day (and by the way, they are little birds, there is no way their bodies can hold that much seed…are they storing it up or spending their morning crapping on neighborhood cars?? Today I would say the latter.) I also discovered a robin’s nest in our mock orange bush by our dining room window. When I first looked in the nest it was filled with those brilliant blue eggs. The next time I peeked (trying to be respectful of the momma’s heart and cries), it was full of a heartbeat of fluff. Each little barely feathered nestling was snuggled together with its siblings and breathing and beating in unison.
We have had some significant storms since the building of this robin’s nest. I was worried about those little fluff nuggets, after all, they are only covered by some leaves and branches. Nestlings typically leave the nest when they are 13 to16 days old, but it takes them another 10 to 15 days to become strong fliers and independent.
It is a miracle that they survive.
It is also a miracle that we do.
“you shall no more be termed Forsaken…you shall be called Sought Out” (Isaiah 62)
“in His love, He redeemed them and lifted them up and carried them all” (Isaiah 63)
“Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” (Matthew 6)
This is how God came to me this morning.
“Kimberly, I have sought you out - so much so that I am changing your name to be called Sought Out. In My love for you (not your love for Me), I have redeemed you. I will pick you up child and carry you all your days. Look at those little nestlings, they don’t do anything, but I feed them, I shelter them, I take care of them. I will relentlessly pursue your dirty face and maggot-lice filled hair, your leprous wounds and your deep sorrow. I got you. I will never leave you.”
